


Best 80 Tips For Love

by Val9000



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Happy Ending, Jack and Ianto being in love, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-01
Updated: 2019-09-01
Packaged: 2020-10-04 20:00:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20476694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Val9000/pseuds/Val9000
Summary: Ianto confronts Jack about his love for the Doctor and this is the conversation it prompts.There's not much plot to this other than Jack and Ianto being in love and being afraid about it. In my mind this is set somewhere during season 2 after Serenity (minor reference to that but it doesn't affect overall reading) and also In The Shadows. Just to give some context on where they're at with regard to themselves and their relationship.





	Best 80 Tips For Love

“You love him, don’t you?” Ianto tries to phrase it as just a casual question but he’s sure it comes out more like an accusation.

Jack stops in the middle of his walk to greet Ianto and frowns. He hasn’t quite caught onto what Ianto’s talking about yet and Ianto feels strangely pleased that he’s caught Jack off guard.

“The Prime Minister? Because after the phone call I just had I don’t think you –”

“The Doctor.”

Jack raises his eyebrows and crosses his arms over his chest but doesn’t say anything so Ianto forges on ahead.

“It is a bit obvious.”

Jack hesitates before speaking.

“Of course I love the Doctor –”

“Right.” A flicker of annoyance passes over Jack’s face as Ianto interrupts him again.

“I’ve spent so much of my life loving the Doctor that I’m not sure I know how to do anything else. Well… I’ve hated him before but it never sticks.”

The silence between them makes Ianto regret bringing it up. Because he knew the answer anyway and he definitely didn’t need to hear it out loud. He didn’t need to hear it confirmed. It’s just that it'd been bugging him. Every time Jack would mention the Doctor he’d get that look in his eyes…

And it made Ianto’s stomach churn. And he couldn’t handle it. But the confirmation makes him feel worse than recognising that look ever did.

“Right.” He says again. Just to break the silence. He starts to turn to leave the office.

“It doesn’t mean anything about us, though.” Jack’s hasty words stop him in place, just as they were probably meant to. “If that’s what you’re worried about.”

“Kind of hard for it to not.” He’s surprised he managed to keep his voice so steady, considering the knot in his throat.

Jack sighs. He uncrosses his arms and walks the rest of the way to stand in front of Ianto, forcing Ianto to turn back to face him fully. There’s a strange look in Jack’s eyes that he can’t quite decipher.

“It doesn’t. Just because I love him doesn’t mean I can’t… love other people too.” Ianto doesn’t miss the way the sentence is kept intentionally vague. He turns his head away and tells himself it’s not just because he’s sure his eyes are starting to water.

“Ianto…” And Jack steps closer to him. So much closer. Wraps an arm around his waist, his hand resting on his back, fingertips pressing solidly down. Jack’s other hand comes to clasp his, fingers entwined.

And he moves closer still. Hiding his face with his head tilted, mouth brushing against his ear. They look like they could be dancing but Jack isn’t moving anymore. “Ianto.” It’s hardly more than a breath.

Ianto stays still during this. Not daring to move. At first, he thought Jack was going to try and distract him with sex but now he’s not so sure. This is important, he can tell. Despite everything, he wasn’t expecting this moment to be important. He was expecting Jack to brush him off with some sweet – but ultimately empty – words, a joke and a grin. Then they’d probably have sex and then they’d forget all about it and never bring it up again. But Jack is serious. And this is important.

Jack brings their hands up and moves his head away from Ianto only long enough kiss them, before dropping them once again. Then he presses his face more firmly against Ianto’s neck. Presses his fingers more firmly into his back and more firmly against his hand.

So Ianto feels when Jack takes a shuddery breath. He almost thinks he can feel Jack’s heart beating fast but he suspects it might just be his own. He does feel Jack’s hand in his getting slightly sweaty. And it isn’t really pleasant but instead of taking his hand away he just squeezes Jack’s hand back. He definitely feels when Jack huffs a short laugh into his skin.

“Ianto… I know I don’t say it or really talk a lot about us at all… but Ianto Jones I do love you.” It’s not exactly a whisper but it is muffled. Jack still hasn’t taken his head away from Ianto’s neck, after all. And Ianto can pretend he didn’t hear. He can ask Jack to repeat himself and give Jack the chance to back out because he can’t mean it. He can’t.

Instead he doesn’t say anything. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. This moment or their relationship. But it is, apparently. According to Jack. Jack who is clutching Ianto so close like he’s afraid he’ll disappear. And Ianto should be ecstatic, really. Isn’t this everything he’s wanted? Jack loving him? But he didn’t expect Jack to admit it and now he’s shocked speechless.

It shouldn’t be this big of a deal anyway. Jack loving him. It shouldn’t be a surprise. Jack hasn’t really been subtle about it – now that Ianto thinks about it. Pulling away every now and then, sure, but then crashing back into their strange relationship with an intensity that Ianto always tried to ignore. Never wanted to understand.

Because he was scared.

The last person who loved him was Lisa and now she’s dead. But Jack can’t ever die – not really – and isn’t that a whole new type of scary?

He’s been silent long enough that Jack shifts. He doesn’t shift away, though, just closer. Distantly, Ianto’s surprised that he could even get closer. Distantly, he tries to make himself move. To force himself to do anything. Run away from Jack or call him mad or kiss him.

It’s another shaky inhale into his neck that finally, finally prompts him into action. He pulls back. He does this to look at Jack’s face, but all he sees is what could be a grimace before it’s out of sight again. Staring down and to the side. Jack’s hand slides from his back to fall limply next to him and Ianto misses the contact. The warmth. They’re still connected by their hands, though, and Ianto squeezes again because it’s all he can bring himself to do. He thinks it brings a shadow of a smile to Jack’s face but the angle makes it difficult to tell. It makes it difficult to interpret anything that’s going through Jack’s mind. But his body is tense. And he’s gripping Ianto’s hand almost like it’s a lifeline. It occurs to Ianto that Jack’s probably more nervous than him.

He’s waiting for him to say something.

“I thought you said work relationships were a bad idea.” Is what finally comes out of his mouth.

“You should know by now I’ve never really been one to follow good ideas.” The reply is perfect in tone and in content, and Jack looks up long enough to flash one of his charming, perfect smiles. And that’s why Ianto’s sure it was automatic. Too perfect. Too empty. Sometimes Ianto thinks Jack doesn’t even know what he’s saying until it’s been said. Jack told him once that he used to be a conman. And he’s so used to lying. Replies like that must be a reflex by now. “Besides,” Jack continues, sounding more hesitant, “I thought we were already in a relationship.”

“I know it’s just that…” Ianto wants to put his hands on his hips. To maybe put some more distance between him and Jack. Because he’s flustered and nervous and that makes him want to walk right out of Jack’s office but he can’t. It’s Jack first asking him out on a date all over again. But that turned out good – great even – despite how rattled he felt at the time. So why shouldn’t this? Besides, he thinks that if he moves away from Jack – or even lets go of his hand – that Jack would take it entirely the wrong way. “Well… you’ve surprised me.”

Jack’s head whips up and all too suddenly Ianto’s seeing the whole of his emotions. It’s almost too much. Jack’s always had a good poker face – but that’s only when he’s smiling, really. Right now he’s entirely too serious. Entirely too honest. The first thing Ianto notes is that he’s managed to surprise Jack. The second thing is that Jack looks upset.

“I didn’t think I was that bad at showing you how I felt.” The smile is too late. There’s a crack in his mask. A tremor in his voice.

Ianto huffs. Makes eye contact with Jack and immediately slides his eyes to look somewhere approximately at Jack’s face. Anywhere but his eyes. With that intense emotion in them. Then he sighs. “No, you weren’t. But everything’s different now.”

“It doesn’t have to mean anything.”

“I don’t see how it can’t.”

“Well I don’t understand why you’re making such a big deal out of it.” It’s childish banter and they both know it. If the topic wasn’t as serious as it was he thinks that they’d start laughing now – in the silence after Jack’s last sentence. But it is serious. And Ianto’s never been much of a talker but judging by the tension in Jack’s jaw, he guesses that if he doesn’t start saying something soon their relationship isn’t going to last much longer. And that’s scarier than talking.

“The last person I loved –” he cuts himself off. Knows that Jack can fill in the blanks. “And it was only supposed to be a bit of fun. Between us. Something good.”

“It’s been more than that for a while now. Or was it someone else I was taking on dates?” Ianto notes the way his eyebrows raise to accompany the question. The way Jack slides his free hand into his pocket. Trying to pull up his defences. Trying to hide behind a casual appearance. There’s a beat of silence before Jack adds another question. And his voice is softer this time. Missing casual by a mile. “Something more but still good though, I hope?”

“Yes!” He answers quickly. Maybe too quickly. And he hopes Jack doesn’t think he’s lying or that he’s desperate or something. Because he’s really not – lying at least. It has been good – a lot better than before. He just really hopes he can get through this conversation without ruining everything. He puts his free hand on his hip. Finds that just one hand feels too awkward so he mirrors Jack – one hand in his pocket. “Yes. I guess I just… I didn’t come in here expecting that.”

“I don’t know what you would’ve been expecting. Me to confess that I only keep you around as a substitute for him?” Something must show on his face because the next thing Jack says is; “really? Huh.”

“Well I didn’t really come in here expecting anything. You always seemed to brush me off before and… well I don’t know I just thought you’d do the same now. You do love him.”

“I already talked about this – about loving him. And I’m sorry I know I can be… difficult but it’s not like I’m the only one! Neither of us are big talkers. Not about things that matter.” He sighs. Strokes his thumb over Ianto’s finger. “But Ianto, I love you. And I haven’t said it before because, frankly, I’ve been afraid.” Jack moves to come closer again and Ianto backs away – keeping the same distance between them. Jack stares at him for a single, piercing second before letting his gaze drop to the floor. But he doesn’t turn his face away, which is a plus. And Ianto squeezes his hand again to try to reassure him.

“You? Afraid?” He sounds a little too disbelieving. He knows Jack is afraid of things – he’s witnessed enough nightmares. He just didn’t expect him to be afraid of… this.

“Of course I am. Love… isn’t it terrifying?” Jack pauses and stares at him again with that intensity that he doesn't know how to handle. “You know it is. That’s why you’re taking this so badly. You understand – at least a little. I _know_ you do.” Jack sounds both like he’s pleading with him and accusing him. Ianto’s not exactly sure what he’s asking him for, but he does know the accusation is right. “Ianto, I’d do anything for you. You know what that kind of love is like because you’ve felt it. You know some of my biggest secrets and you’re still here and I’m not sure how much longer that’ll last and I was scared that if I addressed… well, the elephant in the room… I was scared that you’d leave.”

He doesn’t want to address the fact that Jack would do anything for him. Because Jack’s right. He knows what it’s like and he knows it’s dangerous and he’s been trying desperately not to let himself get to that point with Jack. So instead he’s been trying desperately to convince himself that Jack wouldn’t return his feelings. But now Jack does. Now he’s confirmed it. And Ianto doesn’t want to think about what that could mean for him so he focuses on a different part of what Jack said – something that takes the spotlight away from him.

“Hard to imagine that you’d be afraid of rejection.”

Jack gives him a brittle smile in return. “Only when it’s someone important.”

“Like your Doctor.”

Jack laughs but he just sounds frustrated. He lets go of Ianto’s hand and Ianto only just refrains from snatching Jack’s hand back. He hadn’t realised how much the touch was helping him, too. Instead he watches as Jack drags both his hands down his face before crossing his arms.

“God Ianto, will you forget about him? I just told you I love you. Twice. Three times if you count now! And look – if that makes you uncomfortable we can end this.”

“No!” The word was out of his mouth before he thought about it. “I mean… I don’t want that.”

“What do you want? Because I’ve been doing a lot of talking and getting nothing in return.”

Ianto barely lets him finish the sentence before he kisses him. One hand on the back of his neck, one hand on his cheek and he’s kissing him. Jack doesn’t hesitate to kiss back, his hands finding their way to Ianto’s hair. Jack’s kissing him a little desperately. Although, Ianto’s sure he’s desperate too. The fear of _ending this_ still too fresh in their minds.

“I’m sorry.” Ianto murmurs once he pulls away and Jack’s hands clench slightly in his hair so Ianto hurries to continue. “I… I love you too. It’s just –” he cuts himself off and Jack is still tense against him. He takes a deep breath. “I’ve been trying not to think about all this. Which apparently hasn’t stopped me from being jealous.” He says it like a joke but he knows it’s too true to actually be one and Jack doesn’t laugh. He just stares at him. Ianto swallows. His mouth is entirely too dry. “I’ve been trying not to think about you… loving me. Because that would make it too easy to love you and after Lisa…”

“I understand.” And Jack kisses him. Just briefly. Then he laughs and Ianto can see the tension drain out of him. “I love you. Is it too much to say that I’ve loved you since Myfanwy?”

“Well that _was_ the plan.” Ianto says through laughter, a little embarrassed but mostly he just feels happy. So unbelievably happy.

“So _boyfriend_, what do you say to dinner?” Jack’s smiling at him. A small, warm smile that makes Ianto’s heart beat a little bit faster.

“Out?”

“I have a booking. I wasn't exactly expecting our night to go like this.”

“Really? Where?”

“You’ll just have to find out when we get there.”

“Okay _boyfriend_.”

And Jack shifts to wrap his arm around Ianto’s waist and practically pulls him out of the office. Ianto smiles fondly as he listens to Jack launch into a rant about the Prime Minister and he thinks that, despite everything, he’s incredibly thankful to be where he is.

**Author's Note:**

> If anyone has any prompts or suggestions for me to write please comment them. (I'm trying to get back into writing.) I probably won't write anything that would mean I would have to click one of the Archive Warnings (except Major Character Death) and I definitely won't write sex scenes. Anyway I hope you enjoyed this fic.


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